Remembering Dad

It's been just over a month since dad passed away. I can't say I miss him very much. Maybe because I have been living away in another country for the past 6 years and I still am; plus I have (many) other things on my mind - finishing up with my work in Uni, preparing for the second baby, and figuring out what to do next with my life. Or maybe it hasn't really sunk in yet. Anyway I decided to take some time to note down some things I miss about him.

His lame (or corny) jokes - it was usually a play with words (mostly in Chinese). One of his favorite was saying steamed fish (which also sounds like real fish in Chinese  is good, because it is better than a fake fish. He has even cornier jokes, but I can't really recall much of it at the moment. Actually he is only humorous when he is with his family and close friends. He doesn't joke much when he meets people for the first time, although there is an exception for nice old folks or friendly service providers (such as nurses, cleaning ladies and waiters/waitresses). Sometimes Mabel says my jokes are starting to sound like my dad's. I used to sigh and roll my eyes when dad comes up with lame one-liners (occasionally I laugh a little to support him). I think Gideon will be doing that to me when he grows up...

His patience. He has always been a very patient (and gentle) person. I don't recall him ever scolding me and punishing me as a child or teenager. I only recall once when he told me that he was unhappy with a decision I made, and even then, within five minutes of him saying that, he felt bad and apologised. He seldom got angry with people, although he did bear a grudge against someone because he was falsely accused of something and was never officially vindicated. He gave me an advice once - don't invest too much into relationships with people (other than your own family), it's not worth it and you will only get hurt. I think he must have been deeply hurt previously. Towards the last couple of years, he did get a bit more grumpy at times, but I think it boils down to frustration - mainly with his health and the inability to visit us in Melbourne as often as he liked.

His stinginess, well to be more accurate, he was thrifty. He grew up in a poor family, and with granddad always travelling for work and grandma also having to work as a cleaner, he had to take care of his younger siblings and made sure that they were well fed. He even taught them to save money (this I found out from my aunts). He grew up finding it hard to make a decent living and had to work multiple jobs to support the family. I guess because of that, he understands the importance of being thrifty. He doesn't spend money unless it is really necessary. So any sales persons who tried to sell him something, had to go through a hard time convincing him; and even if they managed to sell him something, they probably had to give him the best possible deal and settle with minimal sales commission.

His generosity. Yes he was thrifty but yet generous. He was always generous to his family, people he loved, people who were less privileged, churches, pastors and ministers. He was always cheerful when he was buying others a meal or helping others in some way. One other advice that he gave me was - if you want to give help (financially or otherwise) to others, do it and don't ever expect people to return the favour; that's true giving. The bible does say: "It is more blessed to give than to receive." Dad has definitely been blessed (materially/financially) in the later part of his life but I believe he has also been blessed in other ways - knowing God, receiving salvation through the blood of Christ and being miraculously healed of his 'unknown' ailments that doctors labelled as terminal over the last 16 years.


Other things that I admire about him include his persistence, his sharp and inquisitive mind. There might be more but these are what's on the top of my head. The rest is probably somewhere in the recess of my mind. But to really sum it all up, what impresses me most about my dad is his love for his family.  Everything that he did, he did with his family in mind, never just for himself. He was a loving son, a loving brother, a loving husband, a loving father, a loving guardian and also a loving grandfather.

I love you dad. I will miss you but we will meet again someday. Till then.

My eighth birthday and his 42nd birthday celebration.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14

Buying Time

A Mechanical Ventilator

This post has been much delayed because too many things have happened since my last post and I didn't have much of a quiet moment. 

So I was back in Singapore for a second time this year and it has only less than 3 months since my last visit. It was a last minute, emergency type of visit, not a particularly joyful one. My mum had called to say that my dad was warded into the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at the hospital. His condition didn’t look good and we should make a trip back. It was the first time I booked flights to fly on the same day together, with Mabel and Gideon. It was a bit of a mad rush but we made it.

The first night I went into the ICU to see my dad, it was extremely disheartening. He was in a very bad shape. He was hooked up to a ventilator – a tube was inserted into his mouth down his throat and airway to basically supply oxygen to his body. His lungs were not functioning well anymore. His left lung had only 20% functionality due to scarring caused by lymphoma and chemotherapy. His right lung has a new growth that could be due to infection or some other reason.

Before he went into the ICU, the doctors explained to him (and my mum) the situation with his lungs. They then told him he had two options: 1) do nothing about it and his lungs will slowly not supply enough oxygen to his body and his organs will shut down one by one due to hypoxia; 2) let the doctors use a mechanical ventilator on him so that it can deliver oxygen into his body, prevent hypoxia and at the same time, treat the possible infection in his right lung with antibiotics. Even then, option 2 may not be effective. In fact the doctors said there was a high chance that he will not recover. So basically the doctors are saying that the second option was for buying time.

I mean our time on earth does have a deadline. We just don’t know when it is. We do many things with the hope of maximizing our time or to extend that deadline. It could be eating healthily, taking health supplements, exercising or avoiding alcohol and cigarettes etc. One could probably say these are things we do to buy ‘extra’ time. The only question in my mind is (assuming we do manage to have ‘extra’ time), what would we do with that time? Would we do the good works that God has called us to do (Ephesians 2:10) or would we do nothing like the servant who was given the one talent (Matt 25:24-25)? For that matter, this could apply to any time of our lives. Just something to think about for myself…

Going back to my dad’s situation. The ventilator was pumping into his lungs, huge amounts of oxygen – 80-100% O2 at high flow rates. The doctors said that was extremely uncomfortable for my dad, although he shook his head numerous times when we asked him if it was uncomfortable. The doctors were not optimistic about a recovery and even suggested after day one of using the ventilator that we should consider letting him go in peace instead of suffer the pain and discomfort, which could possibly increase if his other organs start failing. But seeing our determination (mainly my dad’s) and a miraculous improvement on day two, where x-rays showed a reduction in the right lung infection, the doctors were a bit inspired to push on with the treatment. But sadly after that minor victory, things became stagnant for the next 2 days and even worsened with a possible second infection. It went downhill from there and on the 6th of September 2013, he went home with our Lord.

I was glad I made it back to Singapore to see my dad and got to talk to him for a bit while he was conscious and could respond. That was probably the 3rd day he was in the ICU and he could still communicate by writing. His mind was clearly very sharp and he knew what was going on around him because he actually complained about the nurses being unprofessional. He also wrote (at least twice, in chinese and english) that he will recover and live his life happily. 

Complaining about nurses

Showing determination

Well, we know that right now, he is definitely living happily in the kingdom of God. He is also at a place without sickness or pain. Like what one of our pastors shared at the wake service, my dad has graduated from life and entered paradise. But for those of us who are still alive, there is still work to be done.

For me to live is Christ, to die is gain. Philippians 1:21

Best Laid Schemes (Plans)

"The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry"

This is from a poem by Robert Burns but I first heard of this in my secondary school days from reading Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck. It was one of the books we had to study for english literature. Very unlikely that I would read it on my own will.

Anyway, what I meant to say is that things in life don't always go according to how I plan it or how I would like it to be. For example, during the beginning of the year, my plan was to submit my PhD thesis by end of March, get it examined and submit a final archival version by June; but in reality I only managed to submit my thesis for external examination in June and I only recently received the examiners’ reviews. So it will probably be mid or end of September that I will submit a final archival copy. Also, I thought I would be able to land myself a job in June/July and of course that didn’t happen.

On the other hand, something else did happen that I was not fully expecting – a second baby that will be arriving end of the year. We were planning to have a second baby but we just did not expect it to happen so soon. A little unprepared but still, it is all good.

Anyway, to be honest, I am not one who makes very detailed plans in life and I usually like to go with the flow. It is probably a personality thing.... Alright I am lazy. Which makes it a bit easier for me to accept changes in life and adapting when I really have to.

However something that is a bit of a shock and sudden is my dad’s health condition. It is in such a bad state that he has to be in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU); and when my mum called me, I could sense that she feared the worst. Actually it shouldn't come as too much of a surprise because my dad has battled with Lymphoma for over a decade and the whole family is well aware of his condition. He has been in (warded) and out of the hospital many times this year and the gap between each stay has become shorter. But I still wasn't expecting it. Or maybe I was not ready to expect it. We had a different plan in mind, one where my dad will be able to visit us in Melbourne and see the arrival of his second grandchild and to do so much more things for the glory of God. Now that this has happened, I am not sure if that plan is still possible.

I know that God has a better plan for my dad and for my mum, His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9). But I still pray that He will extend His grace and mercy and grant us a miracle healing, if not the ability to submit to His will.

Choking

I am quite pleased to announce that I am going to submit my PhD thesis for external examination very soon. How soon? I don't know because it (the thesis) is currently with my supervisor now and he is having a final look at it. But I believe soon. Definitely within the month or next. I have done my completion seminar and that went well; all that's left to do is to submit the thesis (and maybe write a couple more papers or journal articles).

So with all that (submission) happening (soon), I am planning on what to do next. In fact late last year I went for a couple of job interviews. I got offered a project engineer position early this year (as opposed to a mechanical design position) and they wanted me to start almost immediately (which I did not mind that much), but what they were offering me was a rather junior role. I wasn't too happy with it. They were basically discounting a lot of my previous experience working as a mechanical engineer and as I looked at the roles and responsibilities carefully, the job itself wasn't too exciting as well. There was another product development company that I interviewed for that seemed to be keen in offering me a position but due to some hiccups - a project put on hold and another project not coming through, that offer was put on hold.

Anyway, last month I applied for a very interesting job. Interesting because it involves sports engineering and there's product development and project management all thrown into it. To me, it was the best thing to do. I thought I had a chance and I was optimistic that I would get a meeting and I did. I was very excited about it. I spent at least 2 days preparing for the interview, thinking about what they might ask me and what are the things I should say etc. But at the actual meeting, I choked. I had moments when my mind froze and I did not give them a satisfying response, at least not my best answer to their questions. After I left that meeting and when I was on my way home, I realised there were so many things that I didn't say - things that I usually knew, things that I would do and could do. Sigh. But I choked. Very frustrating. Frankly I wouldn't mind if I went for an interview and gave it my best shot and didn't get offered the position because they interviewed someone better. But I didn't even gave it my best shot.

Oh well. It's over. Mabel was kind. She told me that's how interviews are, it's a stressful situation and people do choke. Maybe I got too excited over it, over the sports related part of things that I forgot to bring out the engineering and project management side of me. On a positive note, I did meet some nice people in my overall "interview experience". At least I got to know a few more people in the sports industry and even if I don't get this job, they could still be contacts for possible collaborations in the future. God willing. You never know. Time to apply for more jobs. 

Stuff I like about being in Melbourne

So its been more than five years since we moved over to Melbourne from Singapore. What was initially a short stint of a couple of years became a couple more, and after having an addition to our family, we kinda decided Melbourne will be our home for while more. How long more? I can't really say for sure but just like what James 4:15 says, if it's the Lord's will, we will be in Melbourne for a long while.

Anyway, occasionally when I chat with some old friends via social media or email, I tend to get the question: what do I like about being in Melbourne? Or a somewhat similar question. So here's a list of what I like (not in any order of preference):

1.  The suburb we live in is nice and quiet; especially at night after dark. I remember there was one time when my bro-in-law came for a holiday and he was in our backyard having a smoke at night and it freaked him that the neighbourhood was so quiet and he could actually see the stars.

2.  Lots of parklands everywhere. Just around our house, there are at least 3 parklands that are within walking distance, each with a playground for kids. I think that is a fantastic thing to have especially having a 19 month old boy who has lots of energy to expend.

Gideon roaming around a park 

3. Many interesting places to drive around. I can't say we are very adventurous in our five years here but we do drive out to the country area at least once a year for a break. Either on our own, with family visiting us or with our church going for church camps. Some of the places we enjoyed include Daylesford (spa region), Grampians (national park), Phillip Island, Merricks (had a church camp there) and Lakes Entrance.

4. Work is flexible. At least the employers that I have had so far. I have changed my job from full-time to contract with the option to work from home, and having a part-time job that allowed me to switch days once in while. Taking time off for family emergencies or family matters is usually OK. It is also awesome that Mabel could get a part-time managerial position, so she can spend more time with the little man. To top it off, the work environment that me and Mabel have are awesome.

5. Awesome asian food. We don't eat out very often, but when we do, we often stick to our favourite malaysian or asian restaurants where they dish out our favourite stir fries - char kway teow, char hor fun etc. The other asian stuff we like are the vietnamese food, thai food, jap food and yum cha. I have to add we don't have very high expectations of food generally.

6. Sports engineering. This is one of the reasons I came to Melbourne, to pursue this interest and I have to say, I have been very blessed to have been able to do it for the past 4 years. There's probably going to be more opportunities going forward as a new industry network has been established last year to further this area.

7. Sports as a spectator. There are lots of interesting sports events in Melbourne that makes the weekends a bit more interesting like the Australian Open and the AFL. Cricket is also huge here but I haven't quite figured that out. My research in sports engineering also brought me to the local wheelchair rugby league a couple of times. One other event that I would be keen to go to (and obvious haven't) is the Motogp at Phillip Island. This year maybe?

Australian Open 2013

A Hawks game in 2012

8. Sports. Expanding a little bit on point 2, the many parklands also mean more places to run, not just on the roads but also on trails. There's the Yarra River which is a great place to paddle. There are also bicycle trails everywhere for riding - something I look forward to doing this year too (when I do get a bike); and if I feel 'strong', I may sign up for an adventure race like the Marysville to Melbourne which includes a total of 155km of paddling, cycling and trail running. Yeah, should be fun.

9. My walk with God. I have been challenged a lot more since I came to Melbourne. It might be the peace and quiet (and thus less distractions), or it might be being part of a smaller church (more opportunities to serve), or it might be age, or maybe a combination of everything. But basically I just feel the need to live my life more purposefully for the glory of God and somehow being in Melbourne brought that out.

10. Great friends. Although we don't have any immediate family here, but we do have great friends, friends who are like family to us. Enough said.

Of course there are stuff that I don't like about being in Melbourne but somehow I can't think of any right now. Might be the erratic weather that's messing with my brain...

Make it Count

"Make it Count" is the slogan of the Nike+ Fuel Band that aimed to encourage people (specifically the Gen Y) to live life to the fullest. Another popularly used term is Carpe diem or seize the day. Nike hired this guy to film an ad for the campaign but instead of following the original plan, him and the film editor spent the entire budget travelling around the world. It took them 10 days to use up the money, travelling 34,000 miles, visiting 16 cities in 13 countries on three continents. The result was a four-and-a-half-minute film. It wasn't quite what Nike had expected, but it still featured Nike's "Make It Count" branding and there were quotes from famous people such as:

• Helen Keller ~ Life is either daring adventure or nothing at all
• Franklin Roosevelt ~ Above all try something 
• Albert Einstein ~ I never worry about the future it comes soon enough 
• Giacomo Casanova ~ One who makes no mistakes makes nothing at all 
• Abraham Lincoln ~ In the end it's not the years in your life that counts it's the life in your years

In the video, the guy was running through the cities, doing handstands at renown landmarks or backflips and jumping off high places. Singapore was also one of the visited countries! The Marina Bay Sands infinity pool was featured in the video at around 4:09. Although I noticed that other than the scene where he runs off from his apartment and him coming back, he was not wearing the band in most of the other scenes. I am guessing the battery died during the trip and it was pointless to wear it. Nevertheless, he did make a point with his video, which was to live life to the fullest.

It's a very positive notion to live life to the fullest, except it places too much emphasis on the now and now. If life is just about this life then that will be fine. But the truth is, there is life after this life. My church pastor has a favourite illustration in his preaching. He uses a short piece of rope that's red and maybe about 30cm long, and one end of that red rope is tied to another rope green in colour and is many many times longer. The shorter red rope represents our life here on earth which is very short compared to the much longer green rope which represents eternity. Our life, from the day we are born will end after 30,000 days (assuming an average lifespan of approximately 82 years) and then comes eternity which lasts... forever.

Although there isn't much details in the bible about what happens in eternity or in heaven when we die, we do know a few things for sure. Firstly, if we believe in Jesus, we will have eternal life even after the physical death (John 11:25-26). Secondly, when we go to heaven, we receive an eternal inheritance (1 Peter 1:3-5) and would also be awarded a crown if we fought the good fight and finished the race (2 Timothy 4:7-8). The good fight of faith is to live a life holy and pleasing to God and also to be mindful of God's 'business'. This world can be full of temptations to lure us away from fighting the good fight of faith, but we need to press on to make our life count for eternity.

So this is my goal for the new year.

"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses."

1 Timothy 6:11-12

Tracking vs Reflecting

It came to my attention recently that there are quite a number of wearable activity tracking devices these days. From wrist bands for the sporty (Nike+ fuel band), and products for well-being (Fitbit Ultra, Jawbone Up, Lark Life), to the devices that monitor physiology (BodyMedia Fit & Basis), there's something for everyone. The idea is that you can wear those devices all the time, and it would track your daily activities, see if you are meeting the 10,000 steps a day recommended for healthy/active living (or whatever goal you set for yourself), and so motivate you to stay active and maybe even save you from a health condition such as diabetes.

I did a post about how these devices generally work and basically they have sensors to measure movement, heart rate, skin temperature and even sweat. Short of a mind reader that could document your thoughts and emotions (something this aims to do), and a video cam to record what you see (like the Google glass project), they function almost like an old fashioned diary.

Actually, I wonder if many people still journal, whether physically on a diary or electronically on their computers or tablets. I think the diary works very differently from tracking your life with whatever wearable equipment. That's because when I want to pen a journal, I am often in a reflective mode - thinking about stuff, like why something happened, what went wrong or right, what was the significance, how things could be improved etc. It takes a bit of time; quiet, uninterrupted time, not doing anything else, just reflecting.

Those wearable activity trackers on the other hand aims to keep people moving and doing stuff - go set a goal, try and achieve it, don't stop till you do, then repeat the next day. The positive outcome would be to have developed a healthy and active routine; and sure, its good to have a routine and stick to it, but if I don't have a think about the specifics and keep doing things the same way over and over, I might not realise that something was not right while getting injuries or not getting enough rest and getting burnt out.

Anyway, the past couple of months for me was extremely mundane. I was occupied with 3 things: 1) writing the research thesis, 2) taking care of Gideon and 3) thinking about what I am going to do after I submit my thesis. On a typical day when Gideon goes to childcare, I would drop him off in the morning, head to Uni to spend the next 6-7 hours working on my thesis, followed by going home to make dinner, then pick up Gideon from childcare, and finally feeding, bathing and settling him. About once a week (or fortnight), I try to squeeze in a run around the neighbourhood. So activity wise, there's really not much to track since I am obviously not that active these days. In the evenings or in between thesis writing, I 'ponder' about stuff like what to do next and how to take over the world.

At some point, I contemplated becoming a house husband to take care of Gideon and our home because as far as I could see there aren't any opportunities to do what I would like to do (and get paid to do it), not in the private companies or in the university (Well there might be contract research work to do but nothing is confirmed). Since we have decided to stay put in Melbourne, applying for overseas positions was ruled out. The other 'option' was to start my own business: research and product development of sports and health related products. I had that thought for a while and its one of those things that gets me excited but I think I still lack certain experience and certain level of drive, so I will hold that thought for a later day. So with no known opportunities in sight, I decided to send out emails to a few companies that (in my opinion) might explore product development in sports and wellness. The emails were of course expressions of interest to work for them if there are possible openings in the near future. After 2 weeks, there was actually a positive reply, that led to a casual meeting the week before Christmas, and I think the outcome of the meeting was rather positive. We shall see.

During the whole time of 'pondering' and exploring opportunities, there were two proper job applications that sort of didn't go through. In fact they happened before that 'good outcome' meeting. The first one was a product design job which I applied after I was approached by a recruiter. Not having much design experience (specifically industrial design), it was obvious why I did not get a reply. The second one was a mechanical design job that wasn't so much industrial design but more engineering design specifically in medical devices. I did get interviewed for the role but at the end of the discussion, the interviewer made a very keen observation - based on my resume and our discussion, I had very diverse experience but it was not focused on mechanical design. He used the term 'generalist'. The proper term would be 'project engineer'. True enough, I have dabbled with electronics, programming, mechanical design, data analysis, manufacturing, blah blah blah... but I can't say I am specialised in any. So there, I am a generalist. Jack of all some trades but master of none. I have to say its good to come to that realisation/conclusion/acceptance.