It's been just over a month since dad passed away. I can't say I miss him very much. Maybe because I have been living away in another country for the past 6 years and I still am; plus I have (many) other things on my mind - finishing up with my work in Uni, preparing for the second baby, and figuring out what to do next with my life. Or maybe it hasn't really sunk in yet. Anyway I decided to take some time to note down some things I miss about him.
His lame (or corny) jokes - it was usually a play with words (mostly in Chinese). One of his favorite was saying steamed fish (which also sounds like real fish in Chinese is good, because it is better than a fake fish. He has even cornier jokes, but I can't really recall much of it at the moment. Actually he is only humorous when he is with his family and close friends. He doesn't joke much when he meets people for the first time, although there is an exception for nice old folks or friendly service providers (such as nurses, cleaning ladies and waiters/waitresses). Sometimes Mabel says my jokes are starting to sound like my dad's. I used to sigh and roll my eyes when dad comes up with lame one-liners (occasionally I laugh a little to support him). I think Gideon will be doing that to me when he grows up...
His patience. He has always been a very patient (and gentle) person. I don't recall him ever scolding me and punishing me as a child or teenager. I only recall once when he told me that he was unhappy with a decision I made, and even then, within five minutes of him saying that, he felt bad and apologised. He seldom got angry with people, although he did bear a grudge against someone because he was falsely accused of something and was never officially vindicated. He gave me an advice once - don't invest too much into relationships with people (other than your own family), it's not worth it and you will only get hurt. I think he must have been deeply hurt previously. Towards the last couple of years, he did get a bit more grumpy at times, but I think it boils down to frustration - mainly with his health and the inability to visit us in Melbourne as often as he liked.
His stinginess, well to be more accurate, he was thrifty. He grew up in a poor family, and with granddad always travelling for work and grandma also having to work as a cleaner, he had to take care of his younger siblings and made sure that they were well fed. He even taught them to save money (this I found out from my aunts). He grew up finding it hard to make a decent living and had to work multiple jobs to support the family. I guess because of that, he understands the importance of being thrifty. He doesn't spend money unless it is really necessary. So any sales persons who tried to sell him something, had to go through a hard time convincing him; and even if they managed to sell him something, they probably had to give him the best possible deal and settle with minimal sales commission.
His generosity. Yes he was thrifty but yet generous. He was always generous to his family, people he loved, people who were less privileged, churches, pastors and ministers. He was always cheerful when he was buying others a meal or helping others in some way. One other advice that he gave me was - if you want to give help (financially or otherwise) to others, do it and don't ever expect people to return the favour; that's true giving. The bible does say: "It is more blessed to give than to receive." Dad has definitely been blessed (materially/financially) in the later part of his life but I believe he has also been blessed in other ways - knowing God, receiving salvation through the blood of Christ and being miraculously healed of his 'unknown' ailments that doctors labelled as terminal over the last 16 years.
Other things that I admire about him include his persistence, his sharp and inquisitive mind. There might be more but these are what's on the top of my head. The rest is probably somewhere in the recess of my mind. But to really sum it all up, what impresses me most about my dad is his love for his family. Everything that he did, he did with his family in mind, never just for himself. He was a loving son, a loving brother, a loving husband, a loving father, a loving guardian and also a loving grandfather.
His lame (or corny) jokes - it was usually a play with words (mostly in Chinese). One of his favorite was saying steamed fish (which also sounds like real fish in Chinese is good, because it is better than a fake fish. He has even cornier jokes, but I can't really recall much of it at the moment. Actually he is only humorous when he is with his family and close friends. He doesn't joke much when he meets people for the first time, although there is an exception for nice old folks or friendly service providers (such as nurses, cleaning ladies and waiters/waitresses). Sometimes Mabel says my jokes are starting to sound like my dad's. I used to sigh and roll my eyes when dad comes up with lame one-liners (occasionally I laugh a little to support him). I think Gideon will be doing that to me when he grows up...
His patience. He has always been a very patient (and gentle) person. I don't recall him ever scolding me and punishing me as a child or teenager. I only recall once when he told me that he was unhappy with a decision I made, and even then, within five minutes of him saying that, he felt bad and apologised. He seldom got angry with people, although he did bear a grudge against someone because he was falsely accused of something and was never officially vindicated. He gave me an advice once - don't invest too much into relationships with people (other than your own family), it's not worth it and you will only get hurt. I think he must have been deeply hurt previously. Towards the last couple of years, he did get a bit more grumpy at times, but I think it boils down to frustration - mainly with his health and the inability to visit us in Melbourne as often as he liked.His stinginess, well to be more accurate, he was thrifty. He grew up in a poor family, and with granddad always travelling for work and grandma also having to work as a cleaner, he had to take care of his younger siblings and made sure that they were well fed. He even taught them to save money (this I found out from my aunts). He grew up finding it hard to make a decent living and had to work multiple jobs to support the family. I guess because of that, he understands the importance of being thrifty. He doesn't spend money unless it is really necessary. So any sales persons who tried to sell him something, had to go through a hard time convincing him; and even if they managed to sell him something, they probably had to give him the best possible deal and settle with minimal sales commission.
His generosity. Yes he was thrifty but yet generous. He was always generous to his family, people he loved, people who were less privileged, churches, pastors and ministers. He was always cheerful when he was buying others a meal or helping others in some way. One other advice that he gave me was - if you want to give help (financially or otherwise) to others, do it and don't ever expect people to return the favour; that's true giving. The bible does say: "It is more blessed to give than to receive." Dad has definitely been blessed (materially/financially) in the later part of his life but I believe he has also been blessed in other ways - knowing God, receiving salvation through the blood of Christ and being miraculously healed of his 'unknown' ailments that doctors labelled as terminal over the last 16 years.Other things that I admire about him include his persistence, his sharp and inquisitive mind. There might be more but these are what's on the top of my head. The rest is probably somewhere in the recess of my mind. But to really sum it all up, what impresses me most about my dad is his love for his family. Everything that he did, he did with his family in mind, never just for himself. He was a loving son, a loving brother, a loving husband, a loving father, a loving guardian and also a loving grandfather.
I love you dad. I will miss you but we will meet again someday. Till then.
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| My eighth birthday and his 42nd birthday celebration. |
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14
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