Since the beginning of the year (or even a couple of months prior), I have been struggling at work. It's not that I can't do my job or that there is too much work. It's more that my job scope had become less and less interesting/challenging/motivating. The original intention of my role (from 2 years ago) was to do research and development (r&d), building novel sensors and making them work in a gym environment, analysing data, and developing software or algorithms to track gym users or even athletes. Inevitably, it involved doing work that relates closely to my main focus; and that included designing (and prototyping) simple electronics to acquire sensor data, designing (and 3D printing) enclosures for the sensors and electronics, sewing and fabricating a number of smart exercise mats, and sourcing components and materials for product development. Those are all great. But over time, the focus had shifted to more of supporting production, maintenance, and sometimes testing and creating user friendly features. There's definitely a huge reduction in r&d related work. I understand that those jobs are necessary for the business and I would dutifully do whatever I have been assigned. But after a while, it does dampen my motivation.
Earlier this year in church, our senior pastor shared about the vision he received from God for our church this year. The vision is to push forward, to stretch, to persist, to Breakout of containment and limitations, into everything that God has for us. 2 Corinthians 6:11-13 (MSG). Just the week before that, a guest speaker (Ps Steve Wyndham) shared about the door of opportunity, how sometimes when a door of opportunity is opened for us, we need to step through it and trust the Lord. As I heard those two sermons from 2 different pastors in 2 consecutive weeks, I can't help but feel that God is telling me something about my life, about my situation, and that I need to move forward in faith. Which then leads to a couple of questions:
- Should I leave my job?
- If yes, what do I do next?
I decided to commit myself to a period of prayer and fasting together with our church. I wanted to seek God about what I should do in terms of my work (and even ministry). Less than a week into that, I received an email from an individual asking me about a previous project I did and if I could make that into a product for him. This was like a second hint from God and answers question 2 above - He will give me work to do.
After the period of prayer and fasting, I was more certain that I should move on from my work at the gym. But being unconfident about the "what to do next?", I was still weighing between resigning altogether or requesting to work a day less. Since I was going away for a 3 week break to visit family in S'pore, I decided to pray and ponder about that more while I was away. On the first day that I reached S'pore, I received another message via Linkedin from another individual about an article I wrote in the sports technology blog. It was basically a potential opportunity to work in another sports technology project. Bam. This was like a third hint from God.
So with that, I made up my mind. I was going to resign. Even though there is nothing concrete on the other side (what I was going to do next), I decided to take a step of faith and believe God for my next season.
When I spoke to my boss, I explained my motivation (or lack of it) for resigning and told him I just needed to take some more time off to think about "what to do next". He was very understanding and he fully agreed that there wasn't much r&d in the last 6 months and likely going forward. He wished me all the best and he also revealed a shocking bit of information - which was his other business closing down. I was a bit shocked and also thought my resignation was very timely because it meant he has one less headcount and less expenses. Then four weeks after I left the company, I found out from an ex-colleague that my boss has shut down the gym business as well! I was very surprised with that outcome but subsequently when I had a chat with my ex-colleagues, I understood where my boss was coming from. There's probably many many factors and I wouldn't go into the details. In a way, I think he was losing the motivation to push forward with his enterprise while making little headway, so he probably needed a break too.
What to do next?
I officially stopped work end of April. My mum was with us till end of May, so I got to hang out with her for a bit. She really enjoyed her stay in Melbourne this time, especially her fellowship with this Chinese church not far from our house. We spent a lot of time talking (her talking and me listening), sometimes reminiscing about dad and stories of different family members, sometimes about faith and church, and sometimes about raising kids and life in general. It was good.
During that time, I also followed up with that sports technology project opportunity. We had a few meetings/discussions online and we managed to work something out. It was a part-time/freelance arrangement where I would work on the project and deliver a prototype by end of the year. What this meant was that I could work from home 2-3 days a week (or depending on the requirement of the project), at hours that suit the family; so basically I could have more time for the kids (and some chores) and I could potentially serve in a church ministry that runs on a weekday!
Now on hindsight, God has been really patient and gentle with me even though I was being hesitant/doubtful. He dropped me hint after hint after hint and He led me to this new role/opportunity. Although it is still very uncertain how the future will pan out, I now know that I just need to push forward, stretch, persist and breakout of containment and limitations into everything that God has for me and my family! (Encompass Vision Sunday fb post)
Dear, dear Corinthians, I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn’t fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way. I’m speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!
2 Corinthians 6:11-13The Message (MSG)
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| The super compressed version on a story card |
