Buying Time

A Mechanical Ventilator

This post has been much delayed because too many things have happened since my last post and I didn't have much of a quiet moment. 

So I was back in Singapore for a second time this year and it has only less than 3 months since my last visit. It was a last minute, emergency type of visit, not a particularly joyful one. My mum had called to say that my dad was warded into the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at the hospital. His condition didn’t look good and we should make a trip back. It was the first time I booked flights to fly on the same day together, with Mabel and Gideon. It was a bit of a mad rush but we made it.

The first night I went into the ICU to see my dad, it was extremely disheartening. He was in a very bad shape. He was hooked up to a ventilator – a tube was inserted into his mouth down his throat and airway to basically supply oxygen to his body. His lungs were not functioning well anymore. His left lung had only 20% functionality due to scarring caused by lymphoma and chemotherapy. His right lung has a new growth that could be due to infection or some other reason.

Before he went into the ICU, the doctors explained to him (and my mum) the situation with his lungs. They then told him he had two options: 1) do nothing about it and his lungs will slowly not supply enough oxygen to his body and his organs will shut down one by one due to hypoxia; 2) let the doctors use a mechanical ventilator on him so that it can deliver oxygen into his body, prevent hypoxia and at the same time, treat the possible infection in his right lung with antibiotics. Even then, option 2 may not be effective. In fact the doctors said there was a high chance that he will not recover. So basically the doctors are saying that the second option was for buying time.

I mean our time on earth does have a deadline. We just don’t know when it is. We do many things with the hope of maximizing our time or to extend that deadline. It could be eating healthily, taking health supplements, exercising or avoiding alcohol and cigarettes etc. One could probably say these are things we do to buy ‘extra’ time. The only question in my mind is (assuming we do manage to have ‘extra’ time), what would we do with that time? Would we do the good works that God has called us to do (Ephesians 2:10) or would we do nothing like the servant who was given the one talent (Matt 25:24-25)? For that matter, this could apply to any time of our lives. Just something to think about for myself…

Going back to my dad’s situation. The ventilator was pumping into his lungs, huge amounts of oxygen – 80-100% O2 at high flow rates. The doctors said that was extremely uncomfortable for my dad, although he shook his head numerous times when we asked him if it was uncomfortable. The doctors were not optimistic about a recovery and even suggested after day one of using the ventilator that we should consider letting him go in peace instead of suffer the pain and discomfort, which could possibly increase if his other organs start failing. But seeing our determination (mainly my dad’s) and a miraculous improvement on day two, where x-rays showed a reduction in the right lung infection, the doctors were a bit inspired to push on with the treatment. But sadly after that minor victory, things became stagnant for the next 2 days and even worsened with a possible second infection. It went downhill from there and on the 6th of September 2013, he went home with our Lord.

I was glad I made it back to Singapore to see my dad and got to talk to him for a bit while he was conscious and could respond. That was probably the 3rd day he was in the ICU and he could still communicate by writing. His mind was clearly very sharp and he knew what was going on around him because he actually complained about the nurses being unprofessional. He also wrote (at least twice, in chinese and english) that he will recover and live his life happily. 

Complaining about nurses

Showing determination

Well, we know that right now, he is definitely living happily in the kingdom of God. He is also at a place without sickness or pain. Like what one of our pastors shared at the wake service, my dad has graduated from life and entered paradise. But for those of us who are still alive, there is still work to be done.

For me to live is Christ, to die is gain. Philippians 1:21

Best Laid Schemes (Plans)

"The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry"

This is from a poem by Robert Burns but I first heard of this in my secondary school days from reading Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck. It was one of the books we had to study for english literature. Very unlikely that I would read it on my own will.

Anyway, what I meant to say is that things in life don't always go according to how I plan it or how I would like it to be. For example, during the beginning of the year, my plan was to submit my PhD thesis by end of March, get it examined and submit a final archival version by June; but in reality I only managed to submit my thesis for external examination in June and I only recently received the examiners’ reviews. So it will probably be mid or end of September that I will submit a final archival copy. Also, I thought I would be able to land myself a job in June/July and of course that didn’t happen.

On the other hand, something else did happen that I was not fully expecting – a second baby that will be arriving end of the year. We were planning to have a second baby but we just did not expect it to happen so soon. A little unprepared but still, it is all good.

Anyway, to be honest, I am not one who makes very detailed plans in life and I usually like to go with the flow. It is probably a personality thing.... Alright I am lazy. Which makes it a bit easier for me to accept changes in life and adapting when I really have to.

However something that is a bit of a shock and sudden is my dad’s health condition. It is in such a bad state that he has to be in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU); and when my mum called me, I could sense that she feared the worst. Actually it shouldn't come as too much of a surprise because my dad has battled with Lymphoma for over a decade and the whole family is well aware of his condition. He has been in (warded) and out of the hospital many times this year and the gap between each stay has become shorter. But I still wasn't expecting it. Or maybe I was not ready to expect it. We had a different plan in mind, one where my dad will be able to visit us in Melbourne and see the arrival of his second grandchild and to do so much more things for the glory of God. Now that this has happened, I am not sure if that plan is still possible.

I know that God has a better plan for my dad and for my mum, His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9). But I still pray that He will extend His grace and mercy and grant us a miracle healing, if not the ability to submit to His will.